I've recently completed Contra ReBirth, and it was quite a fantastic, old-school Contra experience in every respect. I've been a long time fan of the series, but the one thing that I find most compelling about the bullet-hell side-scrollers is the enigmatic characters used therein. They don't really have fleshed out stories or anything, but you can just tell that they are the ultimate badasses! Call 'em Bill and Lance, or Mad Dog and Scorpion, but nobody comes tougher. These are men who, when faced with a full-scale alien invasion of Earth, choose to go into combat alone without even a shirt! I always like to imagine that the Contras are offered all this armor and equipment and they just grab a machine gun (single shot rifle in early games) and a bandanna and hit the road. That's like 80s action movie tough right there!

The fact is you can find a no more manly, testosterone fueled game than Contra, and none of the other tough action game stars can measure up to Bill and Lance. Snake? The Contra guys don't sneak around in cardboard boxes; they make their presence known! Master Chief? Sure he's tough with all that Spartan armor, but could he cut it shirtless? I doubt it! No, Bill & Lance are the guys that Marcus Fenix wishes were backing him up in his battle against the Horde and they are the guys that all video game action stars dream they could be. They're looked up to as the ultimate alien exterminators, and lord help you if they're aiming their Spread gun at you. Plus, they have a helicopter that can land on the moon! How awesome is that?



But it's not just our protagonists that make Contra such a rugged, manly game. No, the fact is Contra games are tough with a capital T, a true test of ninja-gaming skill. Try making it through the original Contra without the 30 man code. It's going to be a rough road to victory. These are games with no life bar; every shot is a kill shot! Contra ReBirth had people complaining about the difficulty, but in reality it's one of the easier iterations of the game. Unlimited Continues? That's for the ladies! Has anyone tried Contra 4 on easy? "You call this easy?" would be a better name for it! But, hey, if you can't live up to the shirtless awesomeness of Bill and Lance, then you best stay away entirely. These games are as hardcore as they come, and while they can be frustrating, infuriating, and hypertension-inducing, but they're also a nonstop blast of pure fun. Video games will never come tougher Contra!